FUNNY JOKES
Secret
An old man was relaxing at his hundredth birthday party when a reporter went up to him. "Sir, what is the secret of your long life?"
The man considered this for a moment, then replied, "Every day at 9 PM I have a glass of port. Good for the heart I've heard."
The reporter replied, "That's ALL?"
The man smiled, "That, and canceling my voyage on the Titanic."
A little boy was given a five dollar bill to put in the collection plate. When the offering came around, he wouldn't put it in.
But after the end of the service, when he went to shake the pastor's hand, he pulled out the five dollar bill and gave it to the pastor.
The pastor asked him, "Why are you giving me this money? Why didn't you put it in the offering plate?"
And the boy answered, "Because my mommy told me you're the poorest pastor we've ever had!"
A mother and a daughter are shopping in the mall, when the mother eyes an expensive fur coat.
"This year," she says, "I think that I will buy my present instead of making you and dad shop for me."
The daughter protests, "But mom, some helpless, poor creature has to suffer so that you can have this."
"Don't worry honey.................." says the mother,
"your father won't get the bill for a couple of weeks
Special jokes
1 The two thieves had just got home after robbing a big bank .Lets see how much we got!said the first.
No I am tired, said the seconnd. well lets find out from the morning papers.
2 My poor man,said the kind lady to the bagger,
it must be dreadful to be lamb. But think how much
worse it would be if you were blind!
Youare right , lady,agreed the bagger. when I was blind ,
I was always getting counterfeit money!
3 Never kick a man when he is down --------- he may get up.
4 My boy, said the magnate to his son, there are two things that are vitally necessary if you are to succeed in business.
What are they , Dad ?
Honesty& sagacity.
Whats honesty?
Always no matter what happens or how adversely it may affect you always keep your word once youh've given it .
And sagacity ?
Never give it
5) This is the conversation between father & son
son : Dad are u scared of Zambies ?
Dad: No my son,
son: Are u scared of ghost or ghoul ?
Dad: no,my son
Son: Then what are you scared of ?
Dad:ahem......er.....your......mam
WE'LL MAKE U SMILE
WHY ARE U CRYING ? WHAT'S HAPPEND ? A MOTHER ASKED HER LITTLE SON.IN BETWEEN HIS SOBS HE REPLIED : "DADDY WAS DRIVING A NAIL IN THE WALL AND HE HIT THUMB WITH THE HAMMER ."
"THAT'S NOTHING TO CRY ABOUT,SILLY BOY.WHY DIDN'T
YOU LAUGH ? " ASKED HIS MOTHER . "I DID," THE BOY REPLIED .
conversation between man & Doctor :
Doctor= For a Man of 66 Yor're in remarkablene Shape .
Man= Did I say I was 60 ? I'm 83
Doctor= My goodness,your father must have lived a long life.
Man=Did I say my father was dead ? he is 104
Doctor=How long did your grand father live ?
Man=Did i say my grand father was Dead ? He's 124 and he's getting married next month.
Doctor = why one earth would a 124 year old man want to get married ?
Man=Did I say he wanted to get married ?
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